True story

"There comes a point when you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just mean you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it."

Laurrell K. Hamilton

How, if some day or night, a demon were to sneak after you into your loneliness and say to you: "This life, as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sign . . . must return to you—all in the same succession and sequence—even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned over and over—a grain of dust!" Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never did I hear anything more godlike!" If this thought were to gain possession of you, it would change you as you are, or perhaps crush you. The question in each and everything, "Do you want this more and innumerable times more?" would weigh upon your actions as the greatest stress. Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation?

Friedrich Nietzsche, Gay Science

   

Blocaj

 Nu pot să zic că toată viaţa mea, dar cu siguranţă în ultimii câtiva ani nu am plâns cât am plâns zilele astea. Cred că i se rupe şi mamei inima când imi vede ochii rosii.. Reuşesc de cele mai mult ori să mă abţin şi rar plâng de faţă cu alte persoane, iar pe cei mai apropiaţi îi ţin la distanţă de lacrimile mele.
Azi ,o doamnă se uita la mine şi încerca să facă ceva şi nu ştia ce. Fiind in mini-părculeţul din incintă e greu să treci neobservat uneori. În special când ai ochi umezi şi râuri pe obraji...


  Încă sunt internată. Pronosticurile nu sunt cele mai roze, dar cred că ele nu mă doboară la fel de tare ca faptul de a sta internat. Privesc cu umor colegele de salon, dar e tragi-comedie.
Totul.. de la rugină, la miros, la sunete...sfârşind cu grupul sanitar...ma deprimă. Încerc din răsputeri să mă adaptez...


Vreau acasă.